You're probably wondering why I'm sitting here talking to you now. Truth is, I want to tell you all about myself. My entomologist acquaintances call me Malacosoma disstria Hubner. The fact that everyone else calls me a forest tent caterpillar is sort of misleading, because I don't make silk tents like some of my equally illustrious cousins do. I would like to tell you about some of the natural advantages and disadvantages I have in maintaining myself in my niche here on the earth.